i overheard my wife talking about mei overheard my wife talking about me

After hearing what she said, it can't work. If not, I think no period of time should make you have to stay. I think your families are overlooking this important point. Walking away from the wreckage has nothing to do with boredom. when the "isolated event" is hearing your wife say she only married you bc someone else wouldn't, you do what the fuck you want. Its seems like they are both unhappy about this relationship and their lives for a while. Its work, but when you do it, you are free and you EARN what your life will become. There are a few small problems, but you let them go because why rock the boat when you don't have to? Couples therapy isn't just to convince you to stay in a relationship or try to make it work. Turns out Im not the best sex my wife has ever had. Shes a natural; everyone loves her. Sorry but, someone saying they settled for their partner and it's over for me, what the fuck is the point then, mediocrity? You learn and you move on, together or not. Or maybe she made the mistake of thinking those excited feelings are love. you still have many years ahead of you, exercise and be healthy, be your best self. Maybe OP needs to remind her of that. Even THEN, some of us never say a word. The mental gymnastics people go through to justify their positions can be mind blowing. I think this expectation that our partner's be perfect absolutely 100% of the time and not make any mistakes whereas they have to understand every single one of our own mistakes is the reason why the divorce rate in America is 39%. Our relationship died the instant she spoke those words. Maybe he works long hours and she feels neglected. If thats the case then the foundation of that relationship was never really strong to begin with. If this was a series of actions done out of hurt and anger rather than a really thought out decision, then he may come to regret how he acted. They keep you for comfort but want to play games too. If the genders were reversed every female responder would be screaming to dump that guy. Maybe you both will be better off apart, the grass is always greener on the other side and I think that applies to both people here. I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. WebWhat is the best random conversation you overheard? I don't agree with OP that this has been the case for 20 years. You know what other books say? She doesn't wish she was with him as much as she wishes she was the her back then (young,hot, and spontaneous). I can.

One day, I overheard my mother-in-law talking with her sister about how much she was dreading me going out to dinner with them that night. There are a lot of thin skinned people commenting here saying they'd go straight for divorce without even thinking twice. Sounds like she got pregnant and they forced marriage to make the pregnancy more legit idk. What is wrong with people? What is there to save? Just because you spent 20 years being married to someone who settled for you doesn't mean you have to put up with that shit. "No I wasn't happy for 20 years. This added info makes the world of difference. Will he feel comfortable and secure with her? Youre 20 years in. Hopefully you can find a way to remain amicable. This is the correct answer. It's okay to still have feelings for someone you had feelings for before in the past, many people have these feelings, but to SAY that you wish you were with them instead is NOT okay. One of my biggest fears is ending up with someone just "settling" for me because I don't believe in that. Riding off on a motorcycle into the sunset will not make this better. She was telling her friend something, the way you would write in a journal but what its actual importance is, only you'll find out if you talk to her in a safe, mediated space- is it no more important than an unfortunate bowel movement that taught her about anal fissures and how to avoid them or is it a life long regret, like never telling your father how much you loved and admired him before he passed and never having asked his life story, level of regret? Or are you just jelly, and want to keep trying with her? Everyone still responding to this dumb post as if OP hasn't had their account suspended. Yes truly he should put aside that the love of his life has casual contempt for him and his relationship, and think of his poor wife who has to be in a relationship she doesn't like. This was just what he needed to get away for good so any reasonable answer wont sound good to him now. He stated he wanted to separate for a while now. Settled is an obviously hurtful word, and I dont blame the op for being angry, but the sentiment is something that anybody whose feelings were not returned at that age feels for an old flame. You never fantasized about another woman? WebBefore my wife was with me she dated a man named Tom. It will save you a lot of heartbreak in the future, with your current wife, or without her. And she gets all the blame! Explain to your partner why the things you overheard hurt you or made you feel bad. Trust me. It it unfair, and if the partner finds out, it can crush them.

She is pining for a fantasy timeline that never happened. If you want a divorce, more power to you. She's probably been looking for someone better this whole time and maybe even cheated while trying to find it.

I love this so much and will keep it in mind! Its because of the information in the post alone it seems a little weird to immediately end a relationship of 20 years over one comment- an extremely hurtful comment Ill admit. Dont do anything youll regret. Of course all hell broke loose. The advice here is most often ghost them!, lawyer up!, and cut all contact!. They were together for 20 years. You were clearly waiting for something. If she told you at the time that she was over her ex, she may very well have been telling the truth then. What's difficult to understand is how any sort of contextualization for what she said would change things. Sounds like an emotion almost everyone in a longer term relationship has sometimes. She still loves you, she just loves the idea of Tom. people always seem to forget that reddit is full of young people myself included that really dont have a lot of life experience and definitely dint understand the dynamics of 20+ year relationship and what a midlife crisis feels like. Dear Coleen I overheard my wife saying horrible things about me to her friend and its made me wonder whether I should call time on our marriage. It's hurtful, but a reason to get divorced? Relationships dont stay exciting forever (thank goodness because that would be exhausting), the energy at the beginning is not the same energy after 20 years. Just like Mr. Nobody says.. everything works out in the end. And it's not about me, because it's her mental illness that's driving the reaction not reality, but I still break down in tears when I hear it. Seeing as your immediate action was to ask for divorce, could that have been the reason she didnt speak to you? And just because your kids are barely adults, doesnt mean they wont react to their parents divorce like adults. She broke down in hysterics saying it wasn't what it looked like. I see some absolute total dickfaces while poking around the internet, but I never thought about that being their real face. Belive me its not too late for you to live happy life, all the best to ya! No conversation, no therapy, no nothing, because when someone says they love you it means they have to feel like that one hundred percent of the time forever and ever. Talk to her sister and explain everything as she really knows what the actual F is happening. Challenge yourself to entertain her but be honest with yourself. Happier with my relationship. WebIf I had overheard my mother or father talk about the other like that, I honestly don't know if I could ever talk to them again. Get a lawyer. We dont. Youve been together for 20 years. Say what you mean, & own everything you say. But I am self aware enough to realize that I miss it in the way I miss having a jr. high crush. That's quite an interesting thing to think about. Whether or not he had felt their relationship falling apart before this is not included in the post so I left it out of my comment. Yeah we just don't understand, so complex, oh my head hurts. The wife is really delusional and has a weird perception of reality. What does a woman have to do to her husband in this sub for people to not make stupid af comments like this defending it? But if the last 20 years have been happy and your wife has been there for you through all kinds of struggles, I think you should at least cool off for a bit and talk to her about it, for your own sake if not for hers.

One day, I overheard my mother-in-law talking with her sister about how much she was dreading me going out to dinner with them that night. Shes a natural; everyone loves her. People don't understand how huge of a blow this is to OP. You can be happy with what you've got and still think about the "what ifs" in your life. yeah or she's having a tough time with life in general, worried she's middle-aged, her prime is past her etc. Relationship advice from neckbeards is the best kind advice. See people insulting him. Oh, so it is what it sounded like? You are going to have a hard life. I found out that my wife is telling her friends about our private life, including details of our sex life, and even our infrequent arguments. It's really tough to extrapolate the whole meaning and tone of the conversation from having one (seemingly accurate) quote. Thank you thats exactly what I was thinking. Of course she feels like she settled, she would have to because the alternative was a man that doesnt exist. They got married at 25. Have my upvote! This friend is in a serious relationship, he kicked off the contenscious post. Yeah, anyone considering divorce should talk to a lawyer before doing anything else. I suspect what you are trying to do now is hurt her as shes hurt you. And this one will also, because you will process your feelings, and AFTER that You will make a decision. The grass is always greener on the other side. People don't stay in a relationship for 20 years, if they have a choice to leave, regretting it all the time. I dont know what kind of advice youre looking for. I find the second more damning, if just because it's so more personal. I have to agree with you before even reading his post history. She feels that she settled for OP. It's a lack of respect for the person, and its a red flag on its own, even before you get to specifically what it was they were talking shit about. Most of us experience losing our parents. Then you are right to leave. What a horrible thing to overhear. Wait. And he vents to Reddit. 20 years and apparently he doesnt excite her like Tom did, that she wished she was with Tom. The greys of life are something that they don't understand. You've never exaggerated something to a friend? I wish you brighter and more loving roads ahead. My husband makes my coffee every morning, even though he doesn't drink any himself, because he's a fucking delightful human being like that and it reminds me why I chose him every day. Its easy to confuse those butterflies for something more.

I found out that my wife is telling her friends about our private life, including details of our sex life, and even our infrequent arguments. This was my first thought after reading Ops post. Who knows who else I could of had. Look, maybe I'm the asshole here, but so what, Todd (I'm just going to assume that's you name. That's what I thought. But normally, grass is greenest where you water it. But if you at least allow each other to talk through your experience it could help you separate on better terms, which could also be hugely beneficial for maintaining healthy relationships with your children. Exactly. I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. The difference is that he flies off the handle and divorces her at the first opportunity. There is light at the end of the tunnel. And jumping off of this, she probably isnt considering the fact that if she spent 20 years with her ex, she would probably be feeling the same muted feelings about him. How's your marriage? So youve been with her for 20 years and have been happy, but one overheard conversation makes you want to end it unilaterally? Do you honestly believe that talking with someone who has been lying and omitting for 20 goddamn years now that what they lied and omitted for is in danger is going to suddenly magically solve anything? If she's having a midlife crisis and they're about the same age, then it's possible he's having a midlife crisis as well, and what's going on is both of their crises are intersecting without being acknowledged, recognized, or dealt with. I wish OP happiness in his new beginning. In short, the OPs feelings are valid, but his actions are pretty immature. Its also a lot of people projecting their own past relationships onto a stranger. Your wife has completely checked out of the marriage. I didn't. This isn't some heat of the moment thing she blurted out and regretted. it's was just odd to say this is the cause of our breaking up when the cause is the last 5 years. If you get downvotes from this people are dim. If Tom did not take her seriously is because to Tom, she must not have been all that. "Grab her by the pussy" wasn't meant to be heard by other people so that means it wasn't serious. If a girls only chat justifies the end of a 20 year marriage, divorce lawyers would be swimming in gold right now. Simple as that. Im married to a guy that didnt really excite me either. Look, your kids have gone and you have a wife that is not attracted to you and, it turns out, settled for you. Thats the mistake I made. I dont blame you for being hurt down to the core. Divorce quickly. It says there are needs that arent quite fulfilled - so whats causing that? I can see how you would be feeling and a rush of emotions would all come in. Also, their first child is 21 and theyve been married for 20 years. WebBefore my wife was with me she dated a man named Tom. Sounds like OP and his wife would benefit from some professional counseling so that they can better communicate with each other and determine how to improve their relationship. Once he has divorced her, ridden his motorcycle, had a couple of dates, and all the resentment and shock washes away, then he may start to actually think about this and consider that his marriage was a lot more than a lie, and maybe reflect on the good times and love he and his wife shared.

The marriage is dead. The simplest reason why her ex seems more exciting than OP is that she didn't marry and raise kids and live for 20 years with that guy. But I guess, her being too friendly with everyone got me into trouble. But small problems keep coming up, never big enough to feel like you'd be justified in making a big deal about it, but they keep piling up higher and higher, and they start feeling like a big deal when you consider the weight of all of them. I hate to say it but its true that this sub has a double standard with this sort of thing. Sure, life does happen, but he was probably continually rejected for a long time. Dear both sides it is a problem. Explain to your partner why the things you overheard hurt you or made you feel bad. But he couldnt commit and I wasnt gonna waste my time trying to change him. one of the best pieces of advice I had ever heard in my life. It's one of the best things I ever realized. Its what were told were supposed to have/be/feel vs what we truly need and want. After 20 years and raising two children he shouldn't still just be "something" to her. The whole pandemic and lock downs is testing everyone right now. She should have said "chose you" instead of "settled for you" but I dont think shes trying to be malicious and it's crazy to throw away 20 years for that. Seriously. 20 years is a long time to leave just from that. Had you ever thought about ending it before this? It could be OP and spouse need to put more effort into affection and love-making, maybe thats gone stale and thats caused her to fantasize about the past. Its probably a matter of perspective. I agree. I don't think anyone here should give that advice on limited information of this incident alone. One comment does not end a healthy, 20 year marriage. I overheard my wife saying that her ex was the best sex she'd ever had and now my ego is shattered! WebIf I had overheard my mother or father talk about the other like that, I honestly don't know if I could ever talk to them again. All the posts that make it to the front page are flooded with comments from people who have clearly never been in a relationship (at least not a functional one) and just take every opportunity to throw out buzz words and demonize the woman in the story. Sunken cost fallacy or whatever. 20 years is a long ass time to still be thinking about an ex. And it's perfectly reasonable to assume she associates these bad feelings with her husband considering the time of her life she's in. There's not much else going on at all, she wants Tom and not her husband, she wants excitement and doesn't find it in her husband, she wouldn't be with her husband if Tom was serious with her Those things pretty much invalidate anything else that is said. It's easy to see her settling and then staying because the relationship doesn't require much of her and it's an easy life. And I think it's worth asking why it is that the OP never noticed anything was wrong before. Did she clarify what the conversation was actually about? There would be more consequences and it would be a difficult decision to split apart the family while your kids are at such a young age. Combined with a bit of nostalgia or whatever she decided to tell it her closest friend and that would have been it. At age 45, youre still able to make a course correction and have a very rich and happy second chapter. But don't reframe the whole of your past through this one comment or you'll probably end up hurting everyone including yourself. He was also probably hoping that this way would cause people to not blame him, which didn't happen and now he's turned to the internet to find people on his side. He's gaslighting you, probably cheating and toxic, you should block him and ghost. And no matter how much you rationally know that it is not about you, it is really fucking hard not to take it personally. This is the one that really pisses me off. To hold on to something just because it has been 20 years doesnt make sense if it will have angst and distrust. She misses being young and Tom represents that time for her. Im in a long term happy relationship now and recently read my journal detailing how obsessed I was with my current boyfriend. Oh you settled for me? How do you go through 20 years and 2 kids with someone and still have room to think about a random boyfriend. Maybe his wife is a total cunt and that's it. Why does someone need to "be in the wrong" to divorce. If you have ever heard the Moody Blues song Wildest Dreams thats I understand that leaving a marriage of 20 years isnt an easy thing, it requires a lot of thought and will power, but I dont believe OP is leaving his wife for no good reason. I'll assume you weren't the only fertile man on the planet at the time. No he outta cut ties, lawyer up, and hit the gym. Her and her family moved to a new country because my uncle got a job there. Knowing fully that it was something shed been repressing, Id immediately need some kind of recourse from my spouse because I meanhow else am I supposed to feel?! That guy and your wife aren't good role model for the kids. I even turned and read the story to my husband. Most people in this thread have probably not been alive for 20 years. Dont settle for just anyone. 20 years at least deserves some contemplation before anything permanent happens. I agree that maybe ending 20 years for a comment may be an overreaction, but its also devastating that she would, for the sake of making a friend feel better (theoretically) throw her husband under the bus ~ that doesnt show much in the way of respect for your partner. Sounds like you were already losing interest and this was the last thing you needed to feel justified. I would rather my wife be cheating on me with the pool boy instead of saying something like that. Also wondering how your life could have turned out if you would have chosen a different path (in this case a different partner) is something that comes quite naturally for a lot of people I guess. Why wouldn't you be able to ride a motorcycle while you are in a marriage? I think OP had his mind made up before him overhearing his wife. These fools have no idea how soul crushing that actually is. First, reminiscing about 20 years ago is a crime by no means. And I think it's important to point out that if you're ok with being second then there's nothing wrong with that either, this is really about OPs personal preference.

Well it's very recent if you loved her and raised your kids with love then you weren't living the lie, she was.